Sunday, November 28, 2010

Don't Fix People

Note to self: Take this advice to heart -- Don't fix people!

From: Relationship Reborn -- Gratitude

My favorite part: Comparisonitis! Guilty! lol

That's all for now. Sooo tired and happy too. Sikreto lang why. :)

Be blessed everyone!

P.S. Word of the week -- GRATITUDE!

Sunday, November 21, 2010


My weekly time with God
Things to be grateful for from the past week

of forgiveness
kindness of loved one and strangers
falling and feeling God's love before during and after the whole thing
small miracles
prayers answered
unanswered prayers
conflict then peace
time spent alone
pain and God's intervention
the knowledge that God will always be there
knowing that God will never be outgiven or outdone when it comes to goodness

Things to ask God for in the coming week

of patience
special favor for a dear friend's dearly departed mother -- forgiveness and eternal rest in the bosom of our Heavenly Father and Mother and our Saviour

Most important word God told me this week


I am forever humbled. Thank you Jesus. My life may not be perfect but I no longer want it to be. It's enough for me to know that I can count on You and Mama Mary no matter what. And knowing that makes all the difference in the world. I would never trade that for anything else. Thank you God. I love You God. You will always be my first, last and everything. I could not ask for more. Praise You Jesus. Amen.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Let Us Sing for Joy to the Lord

Psalm 95:1-2
Come, let us sing for joy to the LORD;
 let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation.
Let us come before him with thanksgiving
 and extol him with music and song.

Wow! I love this! My favorite book in the Holy Bible has always been Psalm. I love music, guess it will always be my first love. My favorite mass is always one where the priests sing during the entire mass. I guess that's all I have to share for now. Still sick but very very hopeful. Things are looking up and I have my God and music to thank for that. LOVE! :)

Sunday, November 14, 2010

SABBATH PAUSE -- My weekly time with God

My weekly time with God
Things to be grateful for from the past week


Things to ask God for in the coming week


Most important word God told me this week


Saturday, November 13, 2010

Why Prayer & Faith Should Always Go Together

Today is the second day of the Novena for Our Virgin of the Rule and as expected, our church was packed with people -- fellow pilgrims like us who wanted to show how much we love our Blessed Virgin Mother and share in her feast. It was exhilarating being back in church again after a week's absence but more so because of the solemnity of this occasion. Before I put my foot in my mouth again, yes, every mass celebrated in our church is solemn but this was doubly so because of the upcoming feast day of Mama Mary, our patron saint, Virgin of the Rule.

I was touched by so many things that were said and done by the priests and the people around me. First, it was amazing to hear that when our patron, Mama Mary, was brought to a nearby town in Cordova, so many people were moved to tears and she was welcome with such adoration that the priest couldn't help but share it with us. I am fully aware how miraculous Mama Mary is and how our patron answers prayers. She truly intercedes for us in more ways than one. I remember breaking down in front of her in 2007, I can't remember if it was November or December but all I know is that she not only gave me a chance to land that job, she made sure I had so much fun. The memories alone are more than enough to last me a lifetime. I met so many new friends, rekindled old friendships and brought me closer to my Papa. He kept calling me while I was there, almost everyday. For some reason, we had so much fun chatting that it was like we were in the same place, hanging out. So what began as a fulfilling opportunity became a father-daughter bonding for which I am forever grateful! Thank you so much Mama Mary.

The second thing that I noticed was the indescribable and harmonious way we sang the songs. It was like angels were singing with us. And the choir was very good. The songs chosen were perfect. And everyone was in a great mood. There was no sign of animosity anywhere. Forgive me for my candor but I notice sometimes that some people are in a sour mood while in church. Today was quite different. It was like Mama Mary was there with us! No goosebumps right now, just a warm fuzzy feeling inside that tells me she's always there.

And then while we were singing the final song, all the priests and servants were looking up to Mama Mary with such reverence and respect, such love and adoration, such veneration, that I don't think I'll ever get that mental picture out of my mind. The entire service was that solemn, that awesome. You could feel the palpable presence of God at work right then and there.

The main thing that struck me dumb was the homily. The Father's message is this -- Prayer and Faith must always go together. Faith without prayer is not enough. And it's not enough to have a monologue with our Lord and Saviour, we should take the time to listen to God's message. And the way the celebrant described God's voice really surprised me -- he said we should listen to that small voice in our hearts. Now I understand why they call it God Whispers!

You see I always expected God's voice to be this booming loud voice outside that tells us "It is done!" or "Forgiveness, my child." Never would I have expected that His voice could also be a small voice inside us, in our hearts, that tells us the good news. I guess that's how the Holy Spirit works in our lives, if we let Him. As the mass went on, I kept thinking to myself, "Now I understand what "Holy Trinity, One God" means. I won't elaborate on this anymore because I am afraid I might write the wrong thing. But one thing is for certain, God works in mysterious ways, and the Blessed Virgin Mary is the perfect and most shining example of God's amazing plan for us. All I can say is thank you Mama Mary. I am humbled by your presence in my life, in our lives. And thank you Lord Jesus. Thank you God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. You are awesome!

Before I forget, the message today was simple -- Mama Mary make us instruments of God's love and peace. This we humbly ask in the mighty name of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. Amen.

Friday, November 12, 2010

How Deep The Father's Love For Me

The past few weeks have been interesting yet stressful at the same time. I guess my unhealthy habits have caught up with me. For one, I haven't been eating and sleeping on time. It's like my body clock has gone bonkers, and not in a good way. So not funny. You see, being a workaholic does take its toll when you let it go too far. I feel like I've been running back and forth trying to get things done and searching for ways to get my other blogs up and running and it's killing me. I should be saying my blog's making a killing now but no!

This is a lesson that I have to take to heart and perhaps record here, where I am most at home, because I want to be able to read it one day and say to myself, "Wow, was I really that O.C. about making money." Yes, I have a love-hate relationship with the idea of making money. It's like I feel guilty for trying too hard or that I'm not doing that much to get things going. I don't know why I'm scared of money. Hey, doesn't everyone try to make a living these days? It's like I carry this inner shame for wanting to buy fancy stuff for myself or my family. I don't want to waste time trying to justify that so I'm moving on.

I guess the point I'd like to make in this journal entry is that I need to chill out, hang out with friends, get a hobby, learn to have fun, and try to forget about problems and worries before I go nuts. lol. Kidding. Seriously, I've started taking up walking as my exercise again so that's a change in the right direction. Maybe I should stop counting steps for now and enjoy the scenery. I've been so caught up with the Pedometer in my ipod nano that I've forgotten how truly fascinating walking outside truly is. So glad I sold that treadmill.

Anyway, last night I walked to church, as I'm wont to do these days, but I didn't go in or anything. There was no mass, no prayer meeting, I wasn't dressed for our prayer room so I turned right and went down our local pier. Sure, it's a small one but it's where our ferry boats can be found. I so love riding them too but last night was about rumination. I gazed at the moon, the stars and I think it was Jupiter, that's what my Papa says. If it doesn't blink, it's Jupiter. Last time it was Venus. My father loves astronomy, one of his many hobbies. He's my idol, my Papa, he's a scientist (geologist) by profession, but he's also an artist. How I would love to be multi-dimensional like him. He writes ... he has already written his own memoirs although it is in Italian. Me? I'm still trying to gather enough courage to start writing my own book. That's a dream I've had for like a decade now. He also gazes at the stars and the planets. And I hear his eldest grandson, my nephew is starting to take an interest in Astronomy too. Wow! My Papa's family is so cool.

But I digress. I started walking because I wanted to lose weight and gain a new and better perspective at the same time. I read online that it was healthy to walk around while the sun is up so that you can soak up the wonders of nature during your walk. During one of those walks, I mustered up enough guts to climb the new bridge -- yeah, climb is the word. It was a wonder that I didn't lose breath during the whole thing though I did stop at the middle of the bridge to stare at the cute little birds flying back and forth. I had forgotten how little sparrows jump from one spot to another while they're on the ground. So cute! Then secret secret and I continued to the other side of the bridge. I went under the bridge and found so many different people. It was a discovery of sorts. I even found an older man jogging. Very interesting. Then there were some kids and parents who were on the playground and for some reason this brought back an old longing (for kids).

Yeah, I know, different year, same yearning. It's like old memories came rushing back and I couldn't help but wish that I had made different decisions, took the right steps and maybe found myself someone with whom to build a family with. And then the confusion came back. I've been flipping back and forth about this and I guess now I know that I was never meant to join the convent. I feel so bad saying that cuz for me it's like saying No to God. And I so want to say Yes! But then I also want a baby. Is that so bad? I hear myself asking the same question time and time again and the answer remains I dunno. This is such a deja vu moment.

I guess this is another Father issue that I have yet to address. Yes, I shy away from boys (before), men now, for some reason I just don't know how to act. I pretend I'm all cool but I'm still the same awkward Catholic schoolgirl I've always been deep inside. Sigh. No wonder I've got issues.

The worst part is, I so want to get over these issues so that I can just enjoy life. You know, live without fear or worry or doubt or any of that nonsense and once again it all comes back to Faith. So much has happened and yet I'm still rooted to the ground. So many people to help, so many projects to do, so many ways to serve, but I can't even sustain the one thing that I promised our Blessed Virgin. Oh my! This is not what I had planned when I coined up my own M.D. meaning -- Make a Difference.

Did you know that there are 3 homeless men living outside our church? Or that they were offered shelter but they decided to stay? I have yet to find out why but this is just the tip of the iceberg. So many children to feed,
so many beggars to help, so many homeless to shelter. Sure, giving a burger and bread here and there is cool but I so want to do more. This inaction is killing me. I think that's the third time I've mentioned that word. Apologies. Just an expression. It's like I want to spur myself into action, you know. But I have no idea which direction to take or what to do to help. The desire to serve is ingrained deep into my heart and subconscious yet I'm finding so many reasons not to. Silly huh? I think it's time to let my heart do the talking now.

And so I said yes to a project at my alma mater on Dec. 8, Immaculate Conception. Heaven help me if I don't show up cuz I'll probably be berating myself until the new year. There goes the positive thinking I'm supposed to be practicing by now. Okay, let me turn this around. They say total surrender to Jesus Christ is all it takes. Just say an unwavering "Yes!" to Christ and your life will be so much easier. The thing is, the closer I get to that point, the more I run or is it shy or dance away from Jesus. I am so done with games and I just want to obey His will, you know. For some reason though, I keep fighting even my own instincts. Today I realize that I haven't written a solid article in sooooo long. Plus, my mind is like a train, full speed ahead. I have so many ideas that I want to get down in writing but that's just it! So many buts. So many excuses. And yet, this is a moment of clarity that I am so grateful for. I'm so glad I finally got this off my chest. The past couple of weeks have been torture, both physically and emotionally. I got sick, chest pains, eye strain, migraine, so much rain in my life that I have to pause tonight and take stock of what I've done, said and haven't done until now.

For now, I just want to say a short prayer for Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

I am forever grateful to You Lord Jesus for all the gifts that You have given me. I don't know why I'm making this so hard on myself but I know that somehow You are listening. And You are answering my prayers, one by one, even the ones left unsaid. Faith like a child. Faith as small as a mustard seed. You said that's all it takes. And I believe You. I believe in You. So while I'm writing this, I'm beginning to ask myself, why all these questions? Why not just believe, and trust, and LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!?! I mean, isn't that what life is all about? Now I am truly convinced that it's not time but LOVE that heals a broken heart and that's so true! I think I'm done thinking for tonight. I just wanted to thank You Jesus for everyone you have sent my way. For those who stayed for the long haul, especially my loving family and loyal friends. I may not be perfect but now I realize that I no longer want to be perfect because it brings so much pain. I just want to be simple now. And more faithful. Faith like a mustard seed. Faith like a child. Thank You Father. I am moved by Your love for me and I just wanted to say thank you. And one more thing ... I love You. Thank You Jesus. Praise You Jesus. Amen.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

When The Master Steps In ... (What Do You Do?)

For the first time ever (yeah, a bit embarrassing) I felt the hug from God that I've always heard and read about. I don't know, maybe it's cuz today I'm more open than usual. Most of the time you won't find me defenseless. But today I'm really feeling bad. Health and otherwise. It was weird but while I was reading this post from Bo Sanchez and I read these lovely words -- "The Master stepped in." -- I felt someone touch me. It's not creepy or anything. In fact, it was like someone really was behind me.

Needless to say, no matter how bad things may get from now on, I won't let my mind control me anymore. I'm giving in to my heart and my heart wants Kristo. He's who I'm yearning for I guess. It's just so darn hard to see God at work when you tend to complain most of the time, which I do these days. So this is kind of like coming full circle ... like being in a play or dance where you're either the victim or the villain when you so desperately want to be the hero. And when that day or night finally comes, you feel awful, yet inspired. You know that feeling you get when things couldn't get any worse yet inside you feel all warm and fuzzy? And honestly I'm not even in love. (Wish I were though.)

Yeah, I guess God does surprise us during the least expected moments. During those times when you just want to shout and let off steam yet you keep pressing on, trying desperately (I know, twice in the same blog) to go for that moment when you can say, "Yes, my work is done for the night." In between those moments, that's when God comes in and intervenes. Right now I feel in my heart that He's trying to tell me something. Maybe slow down? Or turn off that computer now and get some rest? Or stop typing and enjoy a quiet moment with Me? Now who am I to say no to that? So I say "Ciao" for now and give in to this longing. Good night friends! I'm spending time with my God, my Father. Be blessed! :)

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

I Thank You My Brighter Future Is On Its Way!

November 3, 2010

Dear Kristina,

Let me tell you something really powerful: You shouldn’t only be grateful
for the blessings that you already have, but you should also be grateful
for the blessings that are yet to come.

I complete you,

P.S. What do I mean, Kristina? Instead of praying with fear, “Please give
me this house. Please, please, please!” say instead with complete
confidence and joy, “I thank you my house is on its way!”

I thank you my future family is on it's way! Loving, sweet, kind-hearted and all from You. Thank You God! :)

Monday, November 1, 2010

Could This Be An Answered Prayer?

November 1, 2010

Dear Kristina,

If you want more miracles in your life, you’ve got to be thankful not only
for what you see, but for what you don’t see.

Working for you,

P.S. Being thankful in all circumstances means penetrating the physical
realm and entering into the spiritual realm—into the sphere of the
invisible. Go there, Kristina!

I say Yes, Jesus! Amen.