"Who am I?"
"What is my purpose in life?"
"What on earth am I here for?"
... or some other question similar to the ones written above.
I have asked these questions many times... especially these days. I guess I am going through the run-of-the-mill mid-life crisis. lol. Being a writer has brought so many wonderful people and memories into my life. But there are times when I am plagued by so many questions - including this one - "Am I meant to be a writer?"
This is one question that truly hurts. Because I love being a writer and I am at my element when I am writing. However, I just can't help but ask that question sometimes. Especially when writers' block strikes. Because I know that this is my gift, I am also aware that if I don't take care of it, use it to bless others and give praise and thanks to the One who gave me this gift, I might lose this gift forever. And that is what scares me the most.
A still small voice inside me tells me I am overreacting. Maybe I worry too much. I should worry less and do more good works instead, the still small voice tells me. I do know one thing, God has given me so many wonderful gifts, which I will continue to use and cultivate, so that I too might grow as a Christian, as a person, as a daughter, granddaughter, niece, aunt, friend and of course, as a writer.
I have one very special dream that I have been circling around and trying to avoid - to write beautiful music for my personal Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. I am not a poet. I wish I could be a good one. I barely know how to play the piano and guitar. I used to play a mean ukelele but that's all in the past. Yes, I do air drums, air guitar, even air piano. lol. And I love music! I love, love, love singing. A part of me wants to get this dream going already but something else is stopping me. That nagging thought that I am not good enough to write music. Yes, I do need an extra supply of confidence for this part of my life too. So that someday this dream of mine will come true.
Yes, I believe that my God is awesome! And He makes all things possible. So enough doubts for now! I want to live life the way He would want me to live it... with much zest and gusto and chutzpah as I can muster. And yes, I do need that small mustard seed of faith. Because I believe in Jesus, I believe that my dreams can and will come true. And I say, "a thousand welcomes Lord Jesus Christ!" Thank You, Jesus! I will praise Your holy name forever and ever. Amen.
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