A while back I wrote a blog entry about broken relationships and the devastating effects they have on people. I have been going through this "phase" if I may call it that where I have been trying to mend broken relationships. One valuable lesson I learned is this -- it is not possible to heal broken relationships when either or both parties are still holding on to old resentments and reluctant to let go, let alone move on.
I am guilty of this too, which is probably the reason why I feel this disconnect. For the longest time, I have been holding on to the hate and anger and resentments, ill feeling which should probably have been laid to rest a long, long, long, long, long time ago. Healing begins with acceptance and forgiveness, I was told, and holding on to feelings of hurt and resentment, which could quickly turn into anger is not a healthy way to deal with problems.
I have been holding on to grudges for a long time too. And holding on to the guilt and shame that came with it. I would like to speak in the past tense now, because, from this moment forward, I choose to be happy. I refuse to be held back by anger or guilt or shame or hurt or resentments because all these negativity does is weigh me down. I chose to let go of all this because I want to grow. And I want to love again. And I want to grow deeper in communion with You Lord Jesus. This is my desperate plea for tonight... expressed in the best way I know how... my journal. And so as I utter a whispered "I love You Jesus." I will also close this chapter with a prayer.
Lord Jesus I pray for love. I pray for acceptance and forgiveness. I pray for the genuine and permanent healing that only You can provide. I also pray for genuine repentance. May this be the first step towards a long and healthy relationship renewal with You Lord Jesus. And I pray for forgiveness from all the people that I have wronged. Most of all, I pray for true humility, obedience and strength. I praise You Lord Jesus. You are my King. My Saviour. My Friend. Lover of my soul. My all in all. Mere words could not express how much I long to be with You. Thank You for giving me space and time to heal Lord Jesus. And for blessing me with survivors around me - my family and friends who have stood by me through all the storms. I pray for them Lord Jesus. Please bless my family and friends with love and happy relationships. I ask nothing more but the same for myself. Your Love and Your Grace Lord Jesus. Thank You God. Amen.
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