Finding Love In All The Right Places

Love… so many have written about it. Even more have experienced its wonders. The whole world knows what it means. It’s the stuff we dream off at night and daydream about in the morning. It’s the core gift that we all have — the capacity to love like we’ve never loved before. Love keeps growing. It knows no bounds. It’s selfless, it’s kind, and it just keeps on giving. Love is everything we could ever ask for. The stuff fairy tales, legends and the best movies are made of. Love gives us a reason to live life with positivity, glorious, wondrous songs of self-empowerment, fulfillment, joy, peace. L-O-V-E.
I recently learned that loving myself makes life infinitely better because it erases all the bad memories and negativity, helps me accept myself as I am and get on with life with much gusto and chutzpah as I can muster. We’re the same, you and me – searching for love in the wrong places back in the day. This time I urge you, seek love in the right places and hold on to love as much as you can wherever you can find it. Whether you find love with your family, your friends, your workmates, your partner, your kids, it’s up to you.
Most of my friends are married now. And I am happy for them. But I can’t help but feel like I’m missing out when I look at them. This incessant thought in my head keeps telling me time is running out. Alarm bells are ringing because a friend told me to have a baby soon because I’m high risk already. But the same voice that nags me is now overpowered by an even stronger voice that’s telling me my God is the master of the impossible and I will have my own family and baby one day. There’s a reason why I’m sharing this with you.
There are times in our life when we encounter storms with so much shaking involved that we fear we might be blown away at any time. This storm is the shaking that we experience when we’re fighting that storm. There are some aspects of our life that are meant to go through this shaking; this is how we grow. This is how we become stronger and better individuals. We were meant to live a life filled with love. That is our destiny.
I discovered recently the reason for my discontent… it had no connection with my work after all. I’ve always wanted my own family and when my friends started getting married and having kids left and right, I felt like I was missing out.
When my friend, who also happens to be a strong, independent woman and a single mother, told me that I must have a baby soon because I’m at that age where I’m already high risk, that got me confused. Alarm bells went off but now that I’ve thought things through, done some soul searching and asked a few friends about it, I realize that being high risk is the least of my problems.
It’s like I had to choose between my career and having a family and career wins out each time. I’ve been using it as my excuse for not going out with men and it’s really sad, come to think of it. After all, we don’t live in an all or nothing, black and white world. God made the universe colorful for a reason. It’s to remind us that every day is a new adventure and we could either mope around inside our home or go out and play. And I really, really, really want to play!
This is my reality. I was born without a father and my mother left me with my grandparents when I was a baby. Growing up without my parents and not knowing who my father was and seeing my Mama suffer because she was a single mom instilled this instinctive defense mechanism in me. I intentionally stay away and even repel men because I don’t want to be a single mother. I want a baby but I don’t want to be a single mother. I think I’m ready to have that baby now but I don’t have it in me to open myself up to a guy, no matter how much I like or even love him. I’ve been burned so many times that my guard is always up.
I’m still trying to figure out how to solve this problem. I have a feeling this is another way for me to grow as a person – to love without question, without boundaries, without limitations… to love like I’ve never loved before.
This is my relationship barrier and I’m trying to deal with it. Perhaps you have your own relationship problems too? Feel free to share using the comment box below. If you have any advice for me I welcome that too.
I am a relationship neophyte and am not afraid to admit it. Not anymore. Fighting my instincts is so darn hard that I’ve decided to throw caution to the wind and share this with you. Thank you for your time friend and I hope you’ll visit my blog from time to time. Be blessed with much love! :)